Facing What If…

Imagine… Imagine, a different way of life, a different way of being. What would it look like? What do you want it to look like? We are all resistant to change, to some degree or another. Yet change is what keeps the world and life moving. Change, literally, makes the world go around. We deal with change a thousand times a day. When we wake up; that is change. When our digestive system is working properly; that is change. Each respiration is an act of change.

Change, despite our resistance to it is enacted in our very DNA. It is the very action of life, yet we get set in routines and patterns, and we stay in them, whether they are healthy or not. We stay in relationships with people that do not nourish us. Generally, holding on to what is comfortable and stable, until we are at a critical breaking point. When we feel like we cannot survive, whether that is emotionally, mentally or physically. We resist changing our circumstances…Why?

One of the largest reasons we continue unhealthy patterns is because they are familiar. We know them, they give us a sense of control as we know what to expect, even when they may make us feel out of control; we still know what to expect.

So, what if we embrace and embody change within our lives? What if we consciously reach for it? From a grounded healthy place of being as opposed to reaching for change from a desperate place spurred by survival instinct? What does that look like? What would that bring into our lives?

Now, I can only speak for my own experience and I will tell you, I am the most stubborn person out there. Even when I think I am ready to embrace change, I am filled with fear, worry and self-recrimination and then I retreat into procrastination or stasis. I doubt that what I want is possible and question why I would set myself up for failure or I plan. Usually, even my plans procrastinates my goal. In my thinking I reason that XYZ must happen before I can do ABC and once ABC is completed THEN I can focus on my goal. As much as I dislike admitting it, I am not a person who goes after what they want. My gut instinct is to take care of other’s needs, wants and dreams. I give support; I don’t ask for support for myself and I struggle when I’m in a place to receive support.

Even now, as I feel invested in wanting to write. I put it off, seeing it as some mystical process that I have no control over, instead of actively seeking it. I release my power.

So, how do we break patterns like this and conquer resistance to change? First, we work to understand what is making us resistant to change. We work to understand what blocks us from creating the change we want. If our entire being is the embodiment of change, why can we not harness this outside of our natural processes?

One of the first steps for me, was to acknowledge and embrace the truth that change, or being in the process of change is a natural state of being. Change; itself is a constant state Without thinking, I breathe in. I take in what I need. I take oxygen into my lungs. My lungs absorb the oxygen and transfer it to blood cells which carry it though out my body to be used in movement and bodily functions. They exchange it for carbon dioxide, which is released as I exhale. In contemplating this mystery, I discovered what one of my personal blocks to embracing change.

In order to receive, we must be willing to let go or release something. In my case, in order to pursue writing to my fullest ability. I must release the idea of financial security and stability. I must release being in control. I must release the idea that I am responsible for myself and other’s well beings and financial support and I may even need to release the control and pride of supporting myself. I hit another block when I find myself questioning what I receive in return…that is unknown. This act, of facing the unknown is where the fear sets in. And fear says “What if you fail? What if you can’t write? What if you make no money writing? What if no one else values the words you have to express? What if it takes too long?” Fear piles the negative results on a shining dream and dims its light from being seen. It casts doubt.

I was taught that anything worth doing was worth doing well. Living within a competitive capitalist society this became a twisted double edged sword: On one had this sentiment teaches us to put our best effort into anything we do. To put it bluntly, don’t half ass anything you are doing; give it your best effort. On the other hand, it tells you that if you are unsure whether you can be successful (as defined by society’s definition), then what is the point of trying? The latter is what holds us back from chasing dreams. The latter is what allows fear to cast doubt. Doubt encroaches and slows our momentum until suddenly we’re at a standstill, mired deep within inert stasis, unable to move beyond “what if?”.

But just as the previous sentiment is a double edged sword so is “what if”. As I began to explore the opposite side of “what if” handed me questions like “what if I write constantly? What if this is what I am meant to do? What if this is why I haven’t been successful in other pursuits? What if I am successful at this? What if I am better than just good enough? What if I make more money than I have ever imagined with this pursuit? What if I took this chance? What if I just did it? Exploring the positive side of “what if”, helped the light of that dream to shine, and increased my enthusiasm and motivation to work on it.

It is important to recognize what is causing your blockages. What is it that is keeping you from reaching for, accepting, and embracing change as a natural mechanism of life. After that you can begin to address these blockages head on. For me, in my personal experience, most of these blockages revolved around “what if”. Contemplating all of the “what if” questions surrounding my goal, I had to come to the conclusion that “What if…?” is a question that will NEVER get answered if we don’t take any actions. If we NEVER do anything, all that is left is a plethora of unanswered questions, unfulfilled desires and a longing for something more.

The second thing I had to face was the fear of failure. As an American, failure is one of the worst things a person can experience. It is one of the ultimate insults, to fail or to be a loser, to not be the best or most successful. what really is a failure other than a learning experience? In some industries failure is expected and accepted. It is an integral part of the scientific method, or the development of new products. Each failure teaches the scientist or developer something, they in turn out that lesson towards their next attempt at success within either their experiments or product prototypes. Why then can it not be an accepted part of everyday life? Try something, if you’re not successful, ask what you learned and try again, making adjustments for the new information and perspective that you have.

What is failure anyway? What is the worst that can happen if you fail? Death? Will you die if you fail at your chosen dream? ( if so, I would suggest you examine the safety risks, as well as your attachment to your particular goal and seek professional help). However, in truth, the fear of death circulates back to a fear of the unknown and like change is an inevitable part of the cycle of life.

The next sentiment I do not mean in a nihilistic manner at all, but Death comes for us all, and we rarely know when, so it is best for us to make the most of each moment we do have instead of procrastinating. Accepting the “Great Unknown” as a certain inevitable part of life, has been freeing for me, just as accepting and exploring the dark has been.

Instead of fighting against my certain end, I have been grateful for every gift of moments I live. By releasing my fear of the dark I have been able to embrace the peace I find as night and the rest I get at that point of the day (if I am sleeping at night, I’m a naturally nocturnal person and so night is one of the times I am most productive and when I can hear myself think.)

Again you can see the idea of exchange manifesting within the Universe and it is just an extension of change. As I released my fear, I gained insights and wisdom. Accepting changes as a natural part of being and a natural process of life, by bringing your awareness to the millions of ways you face and accept change in your daily life. This can help you see it’s power and embrace it in your life and then use it to accept and embrace your responsibility to co-create your life.

Life isn’t something that just happens to you; it is the culmination of many choices you make along the way. How you choose to react to situations and circumstances you can consciously co- create your life by accepting your responsibility to do so.

I encourage all of my readers to explore and face BOTH sides of “what if” when they are thinking about different goals or facing blockages that are keeping them from moving forward with a deeply held desire.